Even if...

Even if.  These are the words that are echoing in my heart and mind these days.  Our good and faithful God continues to lovingly work on me.  This time, the lesson feels quite difficult and I am earnestly praying that He brings me to the other side sooner rather than later.  But even if He doesn't... Even if the path He has lovingly chosen for me is painful... Even if He intends to patiently teach me to endure joyfully, to mean it more when I say through tears, "Jesus you are enough for me!"  He is enough.  He is sufficient.  His very nearness, His loving embrace, the unshakeable foundation of my life will not be taken from me.  He is with me and that is all I need to know.  Thank you Jesus!  You are truly worthy and I will praise you from now throughout eternity.   Your love is truly better than life and there is nothing in this world better than You!

As I write this, I am sitting on my couch icing my knee.  Tomorrow makes 2 weeks since I got up quickly from the dining room table and turned toward the kitchen, feeling an uncomfortable catch in my knee.  After hobbling around for a week, I went to a local orthopedist who diagnosed me with a knee sprain.  She also said there is the possibility of a meniscus injury, but time would tell.  Each day after an uncomfortable sleep, I get up hoping this trial will have passed, only to go through another day with no improvement.  So I have had 2 weeks of being completely side-lined physically.  I am usually very active, running 3 days a week and doing cross-training workouts another 3 days a week.  I also very rarely sit still for long periods of time.  I value being physically active and healthy.  Those are definitely good things and good gifts from the Lord.  However, I can see that I am prone to look to those things to provide for me that which the Lord has already given me in Christ Jesus.  So now I believe the Lord is working to purify my heart.  I don't want any corner of my heart to believe that I need to be physically healthy in order to have a life worth living, or in order to be fulfillfed and happy.  My life has purpose with our without physical health.  Jesus is sufficient for me to fulfull all my longings and desires.  He defines my life.  He determines my value.  And I am thankful that He has ordained this situation in order to reveal to me that I was not fully believing that.  My hope is not in the belief that this trial will soon pass and I can get on with my life.  My hope is in the fact that even if my lot in life from this point forward is to never again be physically able, all the things that are good and eternal are still true!  I am still just passing through the temporary, and I have an eternal home with my Savior.  I will experience the greatest pleasure and delight after this life has passed when I am finally with my Lord face to face.  What will it matter then if life is painful, difficult, or uncomfortable now?  He will still walk with me through it and into my glorious eternal home. 

I am well aware that my current situation is absolutely nothing compared to the things that many others are going through.  I often think of my brothers and sisters in Christ who have been called to walk down a path of great suffering.  And I can be tempted to live in fear that the Lord will call me to such a path.  But even if... I believe everything we experience as His children is ordained by Him.  And He will fulfill His good and perfect purpose for each of us.  I want to live each day of my life fully surrendered, trusting Him in every way.  I know that no matter the difficulties He calls us to face, we will not face them alone.  He is always with us, surrounding us with His providence.  We are safe when we find our refuge in Him.  So for now, as I wait for Him to complete His purposes through this particular trial, I lift my hands and my heart to Him in surrender and worship, thanking Him for His activity in my life.