Keep on Asking...

I’m going to be totally transparent with you… I have been struggling with this passage in the Bible:

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for… For everyone who asks, receives… If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.”

Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭7‬-‭8‬, ‭11‬ NLT

As many of you know, I have been injured by the Covid vaccine.  (I’ll give a health update at the end for those of you who are interested.) This last year and a half has been full of pain – both physically and emotionally as we have been unable to return to our home in Guatemala as a family. So maybe it doesn’t surprise you to know that I struggle with passages like that one.  But before I continue with that train of thought… I need to back up and share a quick story about me.  

I used to struggle with many passages in the Bible, wrestling with them until I could make them fit into what seemed reasonable to me. I was often afraid to teach my girls certain passages because they were too complicated to explain - mostly because my explaining was really just me trying to make them mean what I thought they should mean!  This all changed for me about 3 years ago – and now with our current situation I can see how the Lord was graciously preparing me for a very difficult time. We started going to a church in Guatemala, Iglesia Reforma, where they taught the Scriptures unapologetically… not shying away from the difficult passages. And some of the teaching challenged my theology at the time. It caused me to want to try reading the Bible with fresh eyes. I asked the Lord to help me take off the old lenses through which I viewed His Word, lenses of my own reasoning, where I felt the Scripture couldn’t possibly mean certain things and it just had to mean other things. As I read through the Bible, free from the struggle of fitting it in with my preconceived notions, God rocked my world. I came to a new understanding of who God is and how He interacts with His people.  The biggest change in my thinking was in terms of His absolute sovereignty. And while so many feel that the topic of His sovereignty in all things (especially in the choosing of His people and bringing them into His Kingdom) is not something we should discuss… “agree to disagree”…  I found it inescapable in Scripture.  It was so freeing to stop worrying about making the Scripture fit what I thought was reasonable, and just believe that what it says is true – even when I couldn’t reconcile with it.  It made me feel smaller and God seem bigger, which I find very comforting. It no longer bothers me that God’s ways are sometimes hard to grapple with.  He is God. He does what He pleases.  And it makes no difference if my puny mind approves or understands. 

But His sovereignty is not the only thing I came to believe, I also came to see that He is altogether good in every way.  He chose His people, He loves His people, and He is for His people – working all things for our good (Romans 8:28-32 – don’t stop at verse 28!) Ok I’m gonna put it right here:

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. 

For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that His Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 

And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory.

What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since He did not spare even His own Son but gave Him up for us all, won’t He also give us everything else?”   (Romans 8:28-32)

This truth about God – He is fully sovereign and fully good – has become the unshakeable rock that I am standing on.  There is much more I want to say on this topic, but I will leave it at that for now and get back to where I started this blog.  But I will say that I think so many people are missing the treasure to be found in believing God’s sovereignty in all things – even when it’s difficult to understand.  Unfortunately, many people who do embrace this truth also neglect other teachings in Scripture about boldly and passionately inviting people to come into His kingdom.  We must embrace the full teaching of God’s Word, even when we can’t wrap our minds around how certain things go together. 

Back to my recent struggle.  What do I do with passages like the one above where Jesus clearly says that “everyone who asks, receives?”  And in case you missed it one time, you’ll find it in there multiple times, which was starting to annoy me because it didn’t seem to match up with my reality.  I have been asking for healing for a year and a half, but have yet to receive.  In my head, I knew how to explain these passages, but in my heart, I felt a struggle of faith.  It was apparent because I couldn’t read those passages without tears. I mean what do you do with the parable in Luke 11:5-13?! Jesus doesn’t shy away from such bold statements, and if He said it, He must mean it.  As I tearfully “kept on asking” the Lord for understanding, He graciously gave it to me.  

• First, I realized that He wouldn’t have said “keep on asking” if He meant that we will receive what we ask for in our own timing.  He wants us to keep on asking, even when we don’t yet receive! He wants us to trust in His timing and be persistent in bringing our requests to Him, knowing that He alone is the Source of our help.  

• The second thing I realized is that as I “keep on asking,” while submitting to His pre-ordained plans for my life, He changes the things I ask for.  I now find myself praying just as often that God would help me glorify Him through this trial as I do for healing. I think that’s what Psalms 37:4 is all about: “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.”

• And I think the biggest treasure He has given me is the realization that He promises to give us “good” gifts when we keep on asking.  I may think I know what is “good,” but the truth is, God alone gets to define what is “good.”  And His “good” is better than my “good.”  He has not given me the good gift of healing yet, but He has given me better gifts – Joseph, our daughters, and I have deeper joy, peace, and faith than we have ever had, due to an intimacy with our Lord that came through the suffering.  And we all agree that those things make it all worth it.  We still long for my healing and for this trial to end, but we will forever be thankful for it all.  Luke’s version of Matthew 7:11 ends with “how much more will your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him.”  That tells us that regardless of what we are asking for, He gives us the gift of Himself in the waiting.  

Jesus says it again in John‬ ‭15‬:‭7‬-‭8‬: “But if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are My true disciples. This brings great glory to My Father.” This tells us that the asking that Jesus is talking about refers to fruitfulness and bringing glory to God.  

So if we put those things together, we see that God gives us Himself (the Holy Spirit) when we keep on asking, remaining in Him and His words in us, which results in fruit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22) - and a life that brings glory to God.  

So what about the physical healing we are still asking for? I believe that when He determines that my physical healing is good and will bring Him more glory than my suffering, He will give it.  It may be in this lifetime or after.  But until that time, I will keep on asking, believing that He is not withholding any good thing from me (Psalm 84:11)!

And now for a health update for those who are interested… 

The pain in my hips persists, which makes walking difficult - although I do have good weeks and bad weeks with this.  Even on the bad weeks, it is still much better than it was last summer/fall. The Lord seems to give me the good weeks when I especially need them.  I am truly thankful for His mercy. The twice-a-week therapeutic massage continues to help tremendously.  I’m so thankful for J.R. at Pinnacle Physical Therapy (on Forest Dr. in Columbia, SC, for any of my local friends). I have still not been able to sit without pain since last May. I do have a cushion that makes car rides more bearable. We are thankful for restaurants with tall tables, so that Joseph and I can go out to dinner on occasion and stand at the table.  I have developed neuropathy in my feet which causes them to ache and burn often. But I do have good weeks and bad weeks with that as well. My thyroid is now regulated with medication.  My skin continues to itch and peel, and my hair (which has been falling out since November) has gotten very thin… but thankfully no bald spots!  I saw Dr. Plante last week, and while he is encouraged to see progress in the big picture, he still sees a long road ahead of me.  So we wait on the Lord.

 

We put our hope in the Lord.

He is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice,

for we trust in His holy name.

Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,

for our hope is in you alone. (Psalms 33: 20-22)

A couple of weeks ago, we decided that the girls needed a break from school, so we took the week off and had a staycation... we found lots of free things to do around Columbia.  The Lord blessed me with a good week physically, despite having a couple of really rough weeks just before, and then another rough week after.  He just reminded me that He can tell my body to do whatever He wants!

Surprisingly, touring the statehouse in Columbia was one of our favorite things we did that week!

Strawberry picking was also a blast - not exactly free, but cheaper than if we had bought that many strawberries at the grocery store!  And we ate every bit of those 2 gallons in less than 3 days! 😳

Layla played with the SC Youth Philharmonic Orchestra in a concert at the Koger Center. She just started playing violin last August, but with an awesome teacher and her love for playing, she has come a long way in such a short time.  I was nervous I wouldn't be allowed able to stand off to the side and watch her performance, but no one asked me to leave.  Another blessing!

On my good weeks, I can walk up to a mile at a time.  It still hurts, but it seems to be helping with my overall health - building strength and making a big difference in my neuropathy symptoms. I often seem to have my little ducklings coming along with me. 😍

Words cannot adequately express my love for this man.  While this has been so incredibly hard for him, he continues to trust the Lord, reminding me of Truth often, and passionately continuing to seek the Kingdom of God despite so many unknowns.  He is strong in the Lord, steady in his resolve to follow Jesus, and always striving to serve Him in our marriage, with our girls, and in this world.